The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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