Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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