im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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