Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
