I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
