New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
