I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
