I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
