Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
