just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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