The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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