i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
