I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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