U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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