This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
