I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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