Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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