i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You ruined the universe
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
