she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
