and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
