if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
