They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
