I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
