I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
