She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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