so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
