So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
we should paint friendship bongs
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