she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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