Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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