Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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