my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
