Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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