my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
