Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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