Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
