the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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