i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
