i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
