so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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