you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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