This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
