Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
