We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
