no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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