Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
