Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
