I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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