Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize