what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
