Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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