I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
