I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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