my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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