I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
