If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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