I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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