Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
