just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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