just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
