What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
