Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
