2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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