I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
