Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
