I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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