You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize