Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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