I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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