one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
