How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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