My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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