Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
