When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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