the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
